July 22, 2011

Fuck you.

The following interview was conducted via U.S. Sprint shortly before G.G. Allin’s untimely death. G.G. sounded kind of hoarse over the telephone, and he would break off mid-sentence to clear the phlegm out of his throat. All of us were shocked and saddened by his death, which came as a great disappointment, seeing as how G.G. had promised to end it all on stage. Dead though he may be, his legacy lives on. G.G. Allin, we love you!

J. Cruelty:So…uh, what was your favorite childhood pet?

G.G. Allin: Pet?! I didn’t have time for any goddamn pets. Animals are there for me to abuse and eat.

J Cruelty: Describe your first kiss…

G.G.: Fuck! I was licking my old lady’s asshole by the time I was five years old. I never kissed. I only exist to destroy. I don’t have time for kissing. It’s just me and you, man, and one of us has got to be destroyed. I’m looking out for G.G. Allin, that’s all. [Spits]

J Cruelty: What was your favorite backing band? Personally I find the Murder Junkies to be technically richer than earlier bands such as The Jabbers or The Toilet Rockers…yet they never captured the “rough around the edges intensity” of those earlier, more punk rock bands.

G.G.: Backing bands? What the fuck are you talking about?! I eat ‘em up and spit ‘em out like the shit they were made out of. I don’t care, you can take ‘em!

The only thing that matters is ME. Just you wait! When the smoke clears, who will they remember? Not the Fucking Shit Biscuits -they weren’t out there in jock straps shitting on stage! People are gonna remember ME, the true fucking soul of underground rock n’ roll!

J. Cruelty: We like sports. I have a feeling if you played sports you wouldn’t be a “team player” -cuz you don’t play by the rules, do you G.G.?

G.G.: Hell no! The only fucking sport I like is when I’m pissing in someone’s fucking mouth.

J. Cruelty: What’s the biggest thing you’ve ever shoved up your butt?

G.G.: Your head you goddamn faggot.

J. Cruelty: How much money would it take to get you to tattoo the entire Smurf village onto your body?

G.G.: Who gives a fuck? Look at my tattoos. This one says “Fuck you.” The only tattoos I have are ugly. You don’t know what it’s like to be G.G. Allin. You don’t walk in my shoes.

J. Cruelty: What is your drug of choice?

G.G.: Fucking heroin.

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